He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize