he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
