he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
