operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
