These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
