he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
