She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize