Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
