if i can run in heels then i can drive
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
