Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
