Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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