Dual....:-)
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
