would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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