Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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