Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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