it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
