Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
