So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
