sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
