Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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