I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize