She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
