hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
