I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
