I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
