hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
