wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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