He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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