i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
