I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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