I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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