when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
