Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
