I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
