fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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