just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
