Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
