I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
