the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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