you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
not ubering you a puppy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
