3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
