I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
