I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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