it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
