We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
