9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
