Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
