I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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