i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
