Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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