I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
