sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
