You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
