I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
