I need help removing her.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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