$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
