also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
