My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
