i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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