yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
