sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
