A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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