Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
