Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
