dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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