Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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