I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
