You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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