He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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