I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
