just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
